Angry father looking at his daughterIt doesn’t matter what age it happens – watching your parents split apart and move on to new relationships can lead to a wide range of intense emotions, some of which can be painful or difficult.
And when their new partner is too close to your age for your comfort, those feelings can be even harder for adult children to handle.
That’s what happened to Redditor Adorable_Cost806, who asked the members of r/AITAH (Am I The Asshole Here) whether her “immature” reaction to her dad’s much younger partner was warranted.
So, we spoke to Dr Mosun, a consultant psychiatrist at Cassiobury Court, about how to handle the sometimes-difficult situation.
The original poster (OP) brought a 38-year-old to Easter dinner
The poster, now 18, said her father cheated on her mother with a 20-year-old when she was 12. Her dad was 45 at the time.
Her parents have since split, and now her father has married the woman he was seeing while in his former marriage.
OP said she felt uncomfortable seeing her dad’s new wife at family holidays and personally believes her step-parent is only in it for money.
She said she “asked a friend of mine (38M) to come with me and pretend to be my boyfriend just for a few days at my home” at a recent family dinner.
The friend, whom she met at a book club, obliged, which left her dad “uncomfortable,” she claimed.
“I told him I didn’t do anything wrong and that, after him, love has no age,” OP continued. She has since gotten messages from concerned and hurt relatives, which she’s ignored.
“I know it’s extremely immature of me, but I wanted to show him how it feels,” the poster ended.
“This may stir up complicated emotions”
“For adult children, discovering a parent is in a relationship with someone closer to their own age can feel quite disorienting and also even threatening,” Dr Mosun tells HuffPost UK.
“It may stir up complicated emotions. Feeling a sense of grief, jealousy, confusion, or a sense of role reversal is common.”
Still, the psychiatrist says,“Adult children might worry about their parent in terms of vulnerability, intentions of the younger partner or the perceived disruption of the family unit,” she doesn’t think “revenge” or teaching them a lesson is usually the right path forward.
Reacting with “passive aggression is unlikely to resolve anything and usually ends up in distress on both sides,” Dr Mosun advises.
“A healthier approach is to lead with curiosity rather than judgment. Try to understand what this relationship brings to your parent. Is it companionship, emotional connection? Something like that?”
Of course, it’s “valid to express your discomfort” about a change you find difficult or painful, “but it should be done from a place of concern and care, not control.”
Depending on the type of relationship (if any) you want to have with your parent, “Adult children will likely need to accept that their parent is an individual with full autonomy, just like they have.”
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Angry father looking at his daughterIt doesn’t matter what age it happens – watching your parents split apart and move on to new relationships can lead to a wide range of intense emotions, some of which can be painful or difficult. And when their new partner is too close to your age for your comfort, those feelings can be even harder for adult children to handle.That’s what happened to Redditor Adorable_Cost806, who asked the members of r/AITAH (Am I The Asshole Here) whether her “immature” reaction to her dad’s much younger partner was warranted. So, we spoke to Dr Mosun, a consultant psychiatrist at Cassiobury Court, about how to handle the sometimes-difficult situation.The original poster (OP) brought a 38-year-old to Easter dinnerThe poster, now 18, said her father cheated on her mother with a 20-year-old when she was 12. Her dad was 45 at the time.Her parents have since split, and now her father has married the woman he was seeing while in his former marriage. OP said she felt uncomfortable seeing her dad’s new wife at family holidays and personally believes her step-parent is only in it for money.She said she “asked a friend of mine (38M) to come with me and pretend to be my boyfriend just for a few days at my home” at a recent family dinner. The friend, whom she met at a book club, obliged, which left her dad “uncomfortable,” she claimed. “I told him I didn’t do anything wrong and that, after him, love has no age,” OP continued. She has since gotten messages from concerned and hurt relatives, which she’s ignored.“I know it’s extremely immature of me, but I wanted to show him how it feels,” the poster ended.“This may stir up complicated emotions” “For adult children, discovering a parent is in a relationship with someone closer to their own age can feel quite disorienting and also even threatening,” Dr Mosun tells HuffPost UK.“It may stir up complicated emotions. Feeling a sense of grief, jealousy, confusion, or a sense of role reversal is common.” Still, the psychiatrist says,“Adult children might worry about their parent in terms of vulnerability, intentions of the younger partner or the perceived disruption of the family unit,” she doesn’t think “revenge” or teaching them a lesson is usually the right path forward. Reacting with “passive aggression is unlikely to resolve anything and usually ends up in distress on both sides,” Dr Mosun advises. “A healthier approach is to lead with curiosity rather than judgment. Try to understand what this relationship brings to your parent. Is it companionship, emotional connection? Something like that?”Of course, it’s “valid to express your discomfort” about a change you find difficult or painful, “but it should be done from a place of concern and care, not control.”Depending on the type of relationship (if any) you want to have with your parent, “Adult children will likely need to accept that their parent is an individual with full autonomy, just like they have.”Related…’I Stopped Doing Chores After 1 Comment From My Boyfriend’s Mum. Was I Wrong?”I Ruined My Boyfriend’s Mum’s Birthday After 1 Comment. Was I Wrong?”Gentle Parenting Turned My Kid Into An A**hole. Am I Doing It Wrong?’ Life, Family, Relationships, Reddit, family, relationships, reddit HuffPost UK – Athena2 – All Entries (Public)
